1/21/22 – running thought entry

good morning~

it’s 9 degrees.

no frost.

i used to have some variety of modest mouse, talking heads, and smashing pumpkins playing in my mind at all times.
recently that has shifted to be mostly REM and Florence and the Machine.

I welcome this change.

i have been dealing with the makings of a yeast infection since the begining of january – i think since january 6th – that has increased to more and more severe but i cannot get myself to go to the doctor.
my primary care provider is inside of an urgent care. they will not call me something in without seeing me because i can go in at any time. the yeast infection is so bad it is on both my chest and my nether regions. it is painful. it is itchy. it is irritating already existing/forming hives.

i can not bring myself to go to the doctor because thinking about driving to the doctor is stressful.

driving to the doctor is stressful because the last time i went was on december 22nd, which was a few days before christmas, and people travel across the country and world to meet their families on christmas. and travel requires covid testing. and urgent cares provide covid testing. and this urgent care has their seo set up REAL GOOD for covid testing. they completely overbooked themselves. the small parking lot – which is a one entrance, one way, two rows of parking with one lane for driving kind of parking lot – had been blocked off on the exit side by someone parking where you would otherwise escape from the parking lot onto the exit/entrance ramp – so, ultimately, if you went into the second row of the parking lot you were trapped. there was no parking available in the first row, so i started to go into the second row (it looked like there was a space available and a truck was leaving). i got as far as i could to the right on the lot so the truck could pass. they just sat in front of me. i reversed. off the grass. almost hit the fence. ope there’s some dead vines stuck on my car from this tree in the house on the other side of the fence’s lot. almost hit the fucking urgent care building itself.
truck leaves. i just decide to let my car sit there off in this back corner of the lot. i run in for my appointment – they had me in and out so fast people in the waiting room actually got mad at me. people in the parking lot got mad at me. but i wasn’t there for covid testing i was there for a routine appointment.

anyway, before i left, i tried to make an urgent care appointment for my ear, which was inflamed and producing a significant amount of ear wax, and later that day learned a cyst had formed and was about to pop inside my ear. it was too busy so i said i would sit in my car and they said they would call me. the parking lot was stressing me out while i was sitting and waiting, because i wasn’t in a parking spot and the ground was a little wet, i didn’t want to get stuck or fling mud from sitting longer – so i thought there was another spot open, and it looked like the exit spot had opened too. so i go into the lot.

there was not a spot open, and there was no exit opening either. what i thought was an open spot had a car that was parked so crooked they were taking up three lanes, right in the spot that people needed to reverse and turn around in after getting stuck in the one way lot. I don’t have the attention span to finish this story. There’s more and it involves people belly laughing and pointing at me.

Some thoughts on masks and data about them


My caseworker is bringing me cream for my yeast infection that I have in multiple places on my body and it’s causing a long term sensory nightmare and I’m so thankful at the thought I’m crying


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