sometimes I think about all my problems and it overwhelms me, and there are many people older than me that I follow and silently look up to for guidance, even if I’m not directly asking them for it, I see what I can see through what they share, sometimes it helps me feel better, sometimes it helps me see truth (which does not make me feel better, but I’ve never been one for my head in the sand), sometimes it shows me how to not deal with something.

and then I think about all the younger people with so many problems that follow me and I wonder if they are doing the same

And then I think about all the people, younger and older, that never had those connections and support and how many of them lose hope and give up.

And then I think about all the people we all are connected with that have no experience of these problems, and how they judge and ridicule with no understanding of what is happening.

I wish hope was easier. I wish talking about all of this was easier. I want to say letting it all out is for the better, but it’s not there yet. I am judged and ridiculed for what I share regularly. I’ve been told to lie about what I do for money, whether it is doing nothing, or something many people judge harshly.

Getting through that public shame wall in your head is really hard.

I don’t know what I’m trying to say. Those “let your freak flag fly so the other weirdos know where to find you” sentiments hit me hard today. It’s not just letting them find you. We are all guiding each other and course correcting when necessary. None of us know what we are doing.

I love you.


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